People can also care about you and do things that are very destructive to a relationship because they have unhealthy love habits, low self-esteem and are doing things that are essentially counterproductive to the relationship because they either know no better or are sabotaging it in the pursuit of the self-fulfilling prophecy.
For your own sake, you don’t need someone like this showing you their ‘care’.
Control isn’t a word that a lot of people like to hear but a large part of why we get sucked into wanting affirmations of the other person’s care is that we want to control them, which in turn distracts from ourselves.
Validating volatile and avoidant couples
Deciding that someone doesn’t care at all invalidates your entire memory of the relationship and the person. Not all relationships are meant to work out and every person cannot be The One.
This doesn’t mean that if people don’t jump to your beat or the relationship ends that they didn’t care at all for you, but depending on what they have been and done in the relationship with you, it may mean they they didn’t care of it is because on some level, we had hoped that by no longer being with them that it would cause them to miss us and to ultimately treat us better.
We secretly wonder if they’ll show up over the next week or so. His lack of effort to keep in touch ate away at me and even though I was moving on, I hated being .
If they’ve moved on and we haven’t, it will eat away at us and if they haven’t changed (or we think they have with someone else) or we ultimately don’t end up hearing from them, it’s felt as a blow to our self-esteem. One day I got him on the phone and I let rip and we had an awful argument which I managed to do with clenched teeth in a low voice in the office.
That’s not because they don’t care; it’s because the relationship is over.